


The Nights Are Long in Shibuya

by Kuronyans



Category: Subarashiki Kono Sekai | The World Ends With You
Genre: Beat being bad at feelings, Happy Ending, M/M, Nightmares, No beta we die like sota and nao, Non-Graphic Violence, Please can someone save beat, Trauma, awkward confessions, hand holding, kind of fluff, probably ooc im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:40:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25156375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuronyans/pseuds/Kuronyans
Summary: Beat finds himself having the same nightmare over and over. It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he misses a certain someone. Nothing at all.
Relationships: Bito "Beat" Daisukenojo/Sakuraba Neku
Comments: 5
Kudos: 25





	The Nights Are Long in Shibuya

**Author's Note:**

> So! This is a thing! It's the first fic I've written and posted publicly in about 6 years. I just couldn't resist writing something for these two. They don't get nearly enough love. This is probably a little ooc, so I apologise in advance for that. It's been fun to write regardless.

The sensation of falling, the sudden feeling like he couldn't breathe or speak; Beat jolted awake and upright in a panic, only to find his room shrouded in darkness. Sunlight peeked through his curtains, he noticed, and he checked the alarm clock on his bedside table while trying to catch his breath. 4:23 AM... That meant he'd slept for just over 4 hours. He concluded this was far too little as he lay back down and tried desperately to even out his breaths. He was supposed to be meeting up with Shiki and Neku today and he hadn't seen them in months. Being tired would just ruin it. So he screwed his eyes shut and hoped that somehow his body would give in and he'd fade back into unconsciousness. That didn't happen though. His head felt too full. Despite the silence of his room, his mind ran wild and it felt deafening. Sure, everyone had their fair share of bad dreams about the game; that was pretty inevitable. But Beat felt sure he had it the worst. Seeing the same thing over and over again almost every night, he found himself avoiding going to sleep unless he absolutely had to. He knew that probably wasn't good for him, but didn't care. Keeping a hold on his thoughts was much easier when he was awake, or at least that's what he told himself. It didn't seem that way now, though. 

After around half an hour of hoping to no avail that he would eventually knock out, Beat forced himself out of bed and sauntered downstairs. Maybe he could just drink some coffee and it'd be fine. Or maybe the tiredness would go away if he did something instead of laying in bed trying to fight his own brain. Either way this felt more productive. He made his way into the small kitchen and found it cluttered with unwashed plates, cutlery and trash that hadn't been taken out from the day before. Ah, yeah, he'd gotten into a fight with his parents again last night. It had been over something petty, Beat couldn't quite recall what, but they must've not had the energy to clean up for the day after that. He felt a little bad, of course, but part of him still wanted to be mad at something. And so he was. 

As it turns out there was no coffee in the house that morning, nor was there much of anything else. A quick search of the kitchen revealed that Beat's two options for breakfast were either orange juice that had been opened a week ago, or tap water. Blegh. No, thanks. Instead he decided maybe he could go out a bit early. There would be far more options for breakfast elsewhere anyways. With his mind made up, Beat rushed back upstairs to go and get ready.

He found it strange, how things hadn't really changed much at home in the year that had passed since the Reaper's Game. Once he got back he thought it'd be a new start for him, and in a way it had been. Meeting Neku and Shiki brought him a lot of happiness. Spending time with them made him feel like escaping was worth all the trouble. But it still felt as though something was missing. Perhaps he'd expected too much. People didn't just change like that, especially not himself. All it took was a few weeks and Beat ended up stuck back in his old habits. The failing grades, the fights with his parents... Just the usual. Maybe the game was life changing for some (see: Neku, Shiki), but not for him apparently. That didn't seem fair somehow, but Beat chose not to dwell on that bit.

Once he'd cleaned up and gotten dressed, he grabbed his skateboard and felt ready to go. Not many places would be open that early in the morning, so he figured maybe he could just skate around for a bit to kill time until they did. Regardless, he felt much more awake after washing up. Going out would be good to clear his mind, or that's what he told himself at least. After scrawling a note to leave for Rhyme so she wouldn't worry, Beat ran out of the door and set off into the light of dawn.

-

Although unsure of how they started, Beat's earliest recollection of his dreams always seemed to be at a similar point in time. He'd be weaving through the crowds of Shibuya with a sense of purpose one second and then in the next be hit with the realisation that this wasn't real. It was the same dream again and he knew how it was going to end. But before he could get too panicked, he'd feel a hand clap down on his back and a certain orange-haired kid would emerge from behind him.

"What's with that face?" Neku would always ask the same two questions. "Not thinking of giving up on me now, are you?"

That part had never been any different, but whatever Beat said next would just be whatever he could think of at the time. Anything that could set him on course to change the outcome. Last night it had been a simple, "no, I wouldn't do that, Phones. Y'know I can't."

To which Neku had smiled and replied, "of course not. We have to win this time no matter what." Beat wanted to tell him that he wasn't sure that could happen. He'd tried that before though, and the dream Neku had just laughed and told him to stop playing around, that this was too important to joke about despite the fact that he was giggling himself.

That was something about dream Neku that differed from the version of the boy Beat had met in the game. He had a personality much more like that of the Neku he knew in the present. Not much different, only he smiled a little more freely and he didn't appear to be as guarded. And maybe a little more aware of Beat's feelings (though he couldn't be sure if that part was just something conjured up by his mind). It felt wrong to say this was an idealised version of his friend, because Beat liked Neku no matter what, but he couldn't help noticing the subtle differences and feeling a little grateful for them. He'd found himself smiling despite himself and he continued to make his way through the crowd. The dream Neku followed, his steps falling in line with Beat's own. 

"So where to next? There's lots of places we still haven't checked."

Of course, Beat knew that in real life the Iron Maiden had been hidden in his shadow for the entirety of the time he'd spent on the mission. He'd already tried that here several times before though. Nothing worked. He could only assume that his goal in this dream was nothing to do with the mission, or anything in his real life at all. And he'd already made a good guess at what his actual objective could be.

"Um, hello? Earth to Beat." Dream Neku pulled ahead a little and whirled around, looking up at Beat with his arms folded over his chest. The real Neku had grown taller since the game and now stood proudly at only around 3cm shorter than Beat. And he never ever let him forget that. Admittedly, Beat had always found it almost cute that someone as snarky as Neku had to tilt his head up when talking to him, so maybe he liked that aspect of the dream Neku as well. His smile grew wider.

"Sorry, man. I was jus' thinkin' what we should do, is all."

At that, dream Neku smirked and his eyes lit up with mirth. "You? Thinking? Who are you and what have you done with my friend?"

'My friend'... Why did something feel off about that?

"Aw, shut it." Beat chose to ignore the voice in his head telling him this was all wrong, instead feigning a punch aimed directly at Neku's head. He didn't even flinch. Instead he just laughed and turned began to walk away.

"C'mon, let's check over by Spain Hill today. We're bound to find something eventually."

Beat hated so much to admit it, but he loved these parts of his dreams. He'd missed this. The feeling of being here, side by side with Neku. Just them against the world and staring death directly in the face. Somehow he'd felt more alive during that week than he ever did beforehand. It was an awful thing, to wish he could be back there. Maybe that's why his mind always punished him in the end. No one else was to know, though, so he also figured he could be selfish like this. Taking every small happiness because he deserved at least a little, right? Right.

So he followed Neku through the masses of people, laughing and joking along the way and taking pride in the thought that he'd made Neku smile. He allowed himself to have just this tiny thing and ignored the feeling of guilt that gnawed away at his insides. It was a dream. It wasn't real. He could handle it.

-

At about 12pm Beat made his way over to the Hachiko statue over by the station. While initially he had a lot of fun skating around in the dull light of the early morning, after a while he'd grown bored. The last few hours had been spent sat on the ground sulking in Miyashita Park with nothing but his skateboard, a can of cola and the Snake game on his phone to keep him company. He regretted leaving the house so early, not bothering to clean up or apologise to his parents for the trouble he caused. At least if he'd stayed there he could've found a way to pass the time. Going out was supposed to have distracted him from his thoughts, not give him reason to think even more. 

Upon arriving at his destination, he found Rhyme and Neku already waiting, sitting on the benches just behind the statue. For some reason he felt better at the sight of them and he called out cheerfully from across the street. Rhyme jumped up from where she sat.

"Beat! Why did you leave so early this morning? I was worried, you know!"

"Huh? Oh, sorry. I left a note, though. Didn't you see it?" 

"I did, but I still worry. You shouldn't do that anymore."

Beat found himself running his hand through the wool of his beanie, looking up at the sky as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. Getting lectured by his little sister in public didn't exactly feel like something he needed today. It felt bad. She seemed genuinely concerned and she had every right to be given what happened when he ran away a year ago. He absentmindedly wondered if any reapers were watching right now or if they'd seen him throughout the day. He'd probably attracted some serious noise at some point. Embarrassing. "Yeah, okay. 'M sorry. Won't happen again."

"Everything alright?" Neku had also gotten to his feet and he looked at Beat in a way that made him feel uneasy. He didn't want Neku to worry himself with his problems, and they hadn't seen each other in so long. This wasn't the time for personal issues.

"'S fine, Phones. Jus' couldn't sleep is all. Didn't wanna be in the house."

"Ah, I see," he nodded with understanding and thankfully didn't press the matter any more. "Shiki will be here soon. Is there anywhere you guys wanna go?"

"Sunshine, please!" Rhyme piped up. "I'm kinda hungry."

"Sounds good to me." Neku looked at Beat for confirmation and then continued when he nodded. "Afterwards, do you think we could stop by the record stores? I kinda want some new CDs. Tired of listening to the same stuff." 

Beat liked that idea a lot. "We could stop by Cyco! I'll rec ya some stuff." 

"That could be fun. I'll give you some ideas too."

Perfect. Beat always loved the songs Neku recommended to him. He nodded enthusiastically and both Neku and Rhyme smiled in response. Maybe today could be a good day after all.

"I'm here!!" Shiki's voice rang out above the crowds from across the street and she dashed up to meet them. "I'm so sorry, my train was late." She explained, a little breathless from her run. 

Neku shook his head, "nah, you're fine. We were just talking about what we were gonna do today. You alright for Sunshine and then going CD shopping?"

"That's fine by me!" She seemed cheerful as ever. Being all together was nice, Beat thought. Even though it didn't happen nearly as often as he would've liked. Something about them just clicked and he found himself in much better spirits as they entered the station-side Sunshine together than he had been that morning. 

Sadly, his good mood didn't last very long. The girl standing behind the counter did a double-take as they four of them approached, and then her bored expression that you would typically associate with a tired, teenage minimum wage worker turned into the brightest smile Beat had seen all day. 

"Welcome to Sunshine! Neku, hi!" She ushered them over and leaned forward onto the counter, resting her chin on the back of her hands. Shiki gave Neku a side-glance. A sly smile came across her face.

"You know her, Neku? Who is she? Your girlfriend?" 

Sunshine girl recoiled at that, her face becoming dusted with pink, and she furiously shook her head. "No!! It's nothing like that!!"

Neku grit his teeth, seeming to think trying to look mad would cover up any reaction he might've had to the comment. "Don't be dumb, Shiki. Shigemi is just someone from my class," he explained, hiding as much of his face as possible in the baggy collar of his shirt. It didn't hide the red on his cheeks though.

"Aw, I was only kidding," Shiki giggled. Rhyme snickered behind her sleeve, too, and for some reason Beat suddenly didn't want to be involved. 

"Uh, yo, Phones? I'mma go sit down, my feet hurt. Been standin' all day."

"Wait, huh? What do you even wanna order?" Neku tried to call him back as he he began to walk away but he didn't turn around.

"Jus' whatever man. Anythin' works, really." And with that he wandered away in search of a table. He seated himself in the corner of the store, right next to the window. No one would see him moping there. Or so he'd hoped but Shiki and Rhyme had followed him, citing that: 'Neku should have some alone time with his girlfriend.' Somehow that only served to irritate Beat more. He only hummed in response, and pulled his phone from his pocket. Playing Snake was all his brain came up with as a suitable distraction from whatever was going on over by the counter. He didn't want to look. He wasn't going to look. Why not though? What even bothered him so much? Neku could have a girlfriend if he wanted. He could do whatever he liked, after all.

"Beat, what's wrong? You seem kinda grumpy today." Rhyme leaned over and tried to get him to look at her. He chose to continue angrily jabbing at the buttons on his phone with his thumb instead of replying, realising slightly too late that probably didn't look very good on his part. 

Shiki seemed to notice the tone of worry in Rhyme's voice and made an attempt to lighten the mood a little. "Maybe he's jealous." She said with a smile.

Rhyme tilted her head slightly. "Jealous? Of what?" 

"Neku! Y'know, 'cause a cute girl likes him and all." 

Rhyme made a noise of understanding, but Beat didn't think that made any sense at all. There wasn't anything to really be jealous of. Sunshine girl wasn't that cute, nor did he think from looking at her that she would be his type. She was probably a nice girl. He trusted Neku's judgement when it came to making friends. Just not someone he'd be interested in dating at all. His type was more... something else entirely. He didn't really know what to call it. None of these thoughts showed on his face as he remained quiet and continued his game. Getting a high score might be nice. The two girls, however, took his silence as affirmation. 

"Omigosh! You're actually jealous of him!" Shiki spoke just a little too loudly and Beat fought the urge to tell her to quiet down. 

"Who's jealous of who, now?"

The sound of Neku's voice as he returned with their tray of food caused Beat to look up from the screen momentarily. The 'snake' careened into a wall. Game over. Something had boiled over in Beat's mind. Tears pressed against the back of his eyes and he sprang to his feet before anyone could notice.

"I'm goin' to the bathroom!" He announced and then swiftly walked away, hoping his voice didn't come out too shaky. 

Hearing Neku's voice made him realise. The word 'jealousy' covered all his symptoms, but not in the way the girls had thought.

Dammit. His thoughts were running wild again and he couldn't reign them in. Maybe crying in the bathroom at Sunshine wouldn't be his proudest moment. He'd certainly regret it in an hour or so. It was just that the whole day had been too much for him and now he had to deal with this. Yes, he was jealous. Of course that was it. But not of Neku. No, Beat had been jealous of the girl.

-

Fighting in Beat's dreams always felt as real as it did back then. Every punch, or scratch, or weird psychic blow came as a shock to his system. It was okay though. Fighting with Neku was exhilarating. The pain didn't matter because it wasn't real. Nothing could actually hurt him here. All that mattered to Beat was the feeling of fighting completely in sync with a person he looked up to like crazy. 

He hadn't known much about sync rates, or light pucks, or any of the more technical stuff involving battles in the Reaper's Game and he still didn't really. Neku had always been he genius at that stuff. He did get the feeling, though, that the two were far more connected here than they ever had been in real life. They fought rhythmically, in tandem with each other, each covering the other's weaknesses. Neku would set the battlefield alight with flames, and Beat would automatically know exactly where to aim his punches so as not to burn himself. And then, at the end of it all, when they even their breathing fell perfectly in time with each other, Neku would call upon a giant wave of water. With a flick of his wrist, a tsunami would come crashing down on their opponents while the two of them stayed high and dry surfing on Beat's skateboard.

That bit differed from real life, too. Dream Neku didn't have his own board to stand on and instead shared one with Beat, clinging to his waist like a lifeline. He should have felt guilty for looking forward to that part the most, but he didn't. Something like that wouldn't happen in real life. He could appreciate it here. 

So the fights here were fun, and admittedly if he didn't know the outcome of all this, Beat would be spending a lot more time surfing waves with (Not Quite) Neku holding onto him for dear life. However he did know the outcome. So fighting was always kept to a minimum.

Sometimes it became inevitable though. Like last night, when the pair came face to face with a certain duo of reapers while strolling through Dogenzaka. Their eyes appeared empty and dark. Soulless. And that's when it occurred to Beat that he'd already lost that night. No encounter with anyone he knew ever went his way in the dreams. His punishment had already arrived, but he wasn't about to go down without a fight. 

He would give everything he had to get a good ending for once.

-

Neku can do whatever he likes. Something important came up and it's perfectly reasonable that he left early. In fact, it would probably be better if he wasn't there after Beat's little episode in the bathroom. Yeah. Definitely. Beat was most certainly not bothered by this at all. 

"The three of us can still have fun!" Shiki's chipper voice barely even registered in Beat's mind. "Do you still wanna go CD shopping?"

Beat shook his head when he realised the question was directed at him. He thought how pathetic he must look pouting like a petulant child over something like Neku going home early. It wasn't just over that, obviously. The girls didn't know that though.

"We could go to an arcade instead, if you two are up for that," Rhyme chimed in. She looked at Beat with big eyes, the kind he couldn't really refuse. Not that he wanted to anyways. An arcade would be a good enough distraction from his overactive brain. 

"Yeah, aight. Sounds good."

"...And then when we get there you can win me one of those really cute plushies from the crane game? You know the skull bunnies everyone has been walking around with recently?" Rhyme put her hand on his arm as she spoke, not dropping her puppy-dog eyes act for even a second. Again, Beat's hand found it's way to the wool of his cap and he ran his fingers through the threads. If he looked her in the eyes he would be caught in her trap. Resigning himself to the fate of spending hours ramming 100 yen coins into the same machine over and over, maybe eventually winning her the toy she wanted so they could all go home and wonder if it was even worth the amount of money he'd thrown at it. 

"Those games're rigged, y'know? I dunno if I can win anythin'."

"But you can try," she whined. "For me? C'mon? Please?" 

Turns out looking down would be a mistake after all, dammit. Mission failed. Beat could never refuse his little sister in the end. Sure, he could be about to spend a whole lot of money on a single stuffed animal, but if it would make Rhyme happy then it was worth it. Maybe seeing her smile would rid him of the irritable feeling in the pit of his stomach. Two birds, one stone or something like that. Was that wishful thinking? Whatever. 

"Aw, aight. I'll try my best."

Rhyme threw her arms in the air with a little, 'yay!' and Beat felt a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. This was all he needed. Surely. 

"Alright then! Arcade it is. Let's go!" Shiki exclaimed, and Beat allowed her to grab his arm as they began their swift march to the arcade. Rhyme pointed out a few people along the way who she said were carrying the particular toy she wanted, but Beat couldn't get a very good look at anyone they walked past. Shiki walked at a punishing pace. They reached the arcade within minutes, and still she didn't slow down. Or lessen her grip. In her mind she must've seen it as a very important mission to practically drag Beat across town in search of an apparently legendarily famous plushie. 

Eventually Beat found himself hauled towards a claw machine in the furthest corner of the arcade, which had a small crowd formed around it. Apparently undettered by this, Shiki continued on her path, shoving her way through the mass of people until the three of them emerged in front of the machine. 

"Sorry to bother, but we'd like to go next." She said with a sort of confidence Beat had never seen from her before. The girl currently playing stared for a moment, completely bewildered, before simply nodding and turning back to what she had been doing. 

"Hey! Get in line!" Someone called out from the crowd. To be completely honest, Beat had never been so mortified in his life. He wanted to pull his beanie over his face in shame and he still didn't get where Shiki's random moment of self-assurance had come from. But he'd probably be even more embarrassed if he backed down at this point. Shiki and Rhyme seemed unbothered by the faceless voice from the crowd, why should he be? So he stayed, despite feeling incredibly and awfully seen. And when the girl using the machine was done, she turned to the three of them.

"All yours, kiddos. Knock yourself out," she said as she walked away. Finally, Beat could get a good look at the thing that everyone in Shibuya besides him had known about and wanted. Inside of the machine sat two neat lines of the toys. Half black, half blue bunnies, with white thread sewn into the shape of skeletons across their bodies, and two golden buttons for eyes.

"Aren't they cute?" Rhyme looked up at her brother with a grin. 

To be honest, yes. They were fairly cute. And maybe he even wanted one a little bit. There was a crowd of people watching, though. Beat had already been embarrassed enough today. All he could muster was a tiny, "yeah, I guess."

Shiki stifled a giggle. "Kinda remind you of someone, don't they?"

"Huh? No. I dunno any bunnies."

She shot him an amused glance and then waved her hand in dismissal. "Never mind. You gonna win Rhyme that toy?"

"Yeah, yeah, I got it," Beat sighed and dug his hand into his pockets for some coins. He never had much luck with these sorts of games, nor was he particularly well practised. Usually he only played if Rhyme wanted him to win something and even that was pretty rare. He tried to tell himself the crowd had probably seen several people lose already, so it wouldn't matter if he did too. Didn't stop him feeling incredibly awkward though. He took a moment to steel himself, before pressing 100 yen into the machine. It whirred to life, the whole thing becoming engulfed in light and sound. A screen on the front lit up with the number '3.' Three turns... seemed completely impossible. But whatever. No turning back now. Tentatively, Beat tapped one of the buttons on the machine. The claw inside catapulted to the back of it's glass box. 

Shiki ran around to the other side and peered through the glass. "You should try for that one!" She called out. 

"Huh? Which one?"

"That one!!! The one closest to the thing!!!" She spoke with a lot of conviction for someone who wasn't making any sense at all. Her arms waved unhelpfully as she tried to point out something or other but Beat couldn't tell what and the timer kept ticking down and he didn't know what to do and-

"I dunno what you mean, man!"

Rhyme frantically tapped on the glass in front of him to try and get his attention. "There's only 10 seconds left! Hurry!"

"Yeah, I got it, Rhyme jus' lemme- Ahhh screw it!! I'll do whatever!" Beat slammed the buttons in whatever way seemed right to him. It didn't matter that much. He still had two turns. No big deal. 

But lo and behold: the claw descended from the top of the machine, stole one of the bunnies in it's grip and carried it back to the starting point. Shiki rejoined them in front of the machine and the three stared in awe as the toy dropped down to the prize door. A moment of quiet fell over the far corner of the arcade, broken by Rhyme throwing herself into her brother's arms for a hug. 

"That was so cool! You did it in one! I love you, bro, thank you so much!"

A wave of pride washed over Beat. The crowd behind them applauded as Rhyme leaned down to collect her prize. And he still had two turns left! It must've been his lucky day. 

Shiki looked at him with a guileful smile. "Is it a good time to say I kinda want one of those too?"

"Was wonderin' why you marched us over here so quick," Beat muttered under his breath. "Yeah, not sure I can do that again. Can try though."

She laughed at that. "It's totally fine if you can't. I could probably make something pretty similar anyways. You do have two turns left right now though, so it's worth a try!"

"You gonna distract me again?"

She shook her head. And so, Beat tried again at the crane game. And so, he won a second plushie. And a third. By the time he was done the crowd behind him had worked themselves into a frenzy and even he himself couldn't help the astonished noise that left his mouth watching the third bunny being dropped down to the prize door. Rhyme bounced on her feet as he retrieved it.

"I had no idea you were so good at this kind of thing! So much for these things being rigged, huh?" 

"Now even Beat gets to have one! Bet he secretly wanted one as soon as he saw them."

"Probably," Rhyme snickered, but she stopped when she noticed he wasn't answering back. "Beat? You okay?"

Oh. He must've been making a weird face. "Ah, yeah sorry. Was jus' wonderin' how I pulled that off, is all." He tucked the bunny under his arm and pulled at the rim of his hat without thinking. Not for long though, as Shiki knocked herself into his shoulder.

"Heh, maybe it was some leftover reaper magic." She spoke barely above a whisper, then grabbed Beat's wrist once again. "Let's go play something else. I bet I can still beat you at DDR, even if you turn out to be a secret genius at that too."

She winked at him before beginning to tug him away from the machine and the crowd of the people who were still in awe of his skills. For some reason it didn't feel nearly as humiliating after the fact and actually he found it a little funny, the impression he must've made on those people. Being dragged there by a tiny girl, winning half the prizes in the machine when others had been trying for hours and then being whisked away again with little bravado or grace. It'd be an interesting story to tell their friends. 

As it turned out, Beat was a secret genius at DDR. And also almost any other game they decided to play that day. He allowed the girls to take him from one place to another, trying all manner of games and smashing the current high scores on them into smithereens. There were only three explanations for this. One, the universe was repaying him for the hell of emotions it put him through this morning. Two, Shiki's theory of some kind of weird leftover reaper skills designed specifically to make them good at video games. Three, someone was playing the game right now and their mission was to make him feel better. He hoped it wasn't that last one. He didn't feel completely better. He'd feel even worse if he somehow convinced himself he was responsible for a whole bunch of people being erased from existence.

Shiki and Rhyme, thankfully, seemed to be having a good time. They were completely enamoured with his newfound abilities and determined to test it's limits as much as they could. He didn't necessarily mind that. It allowed him to just switch off his brain for a bit and have fun. Even if the bunny in his arms and the words Shiki had said earlier served as a constant reminder of the person he wished were there most. 

The sun had begun to set on Shibuya by the time they were finished. An orange glow enveloped the city, contrasting sharply with the hundreds of blue lights and screens adorning each and every building. Truly the city that never sleeps. Beat had to blink a few times to adjust his eyes as he stepped out of the artificial bright of the arcade. 

"I had a lot of fun today!" Shiki said as she pulled ahead of the group a little and turned to face them. "It's been so long since we all hung out. We should do it more often for sure."

Beat made a noise of vague agreement. His mind was already wandering again without a distraction. "It would've been nicer with Neku here," he mused. Then realised far too late that he'd said that out loud. At least Shiki seemed amused by his plight.

"Do you only refer to him as Neku when he isn't around?"

"Aw, shut it. I was jus' kinda thinkin'," he pulled the bunny toy from where it had been tucked under his arm and held it out for her to take. "Ain't your school near his? Can you give this to him tomorrow?"

A second of silence passed by. Shiki's lack of an immediate 'yes, of course!' combined with her bemused expression left Beat fumbling for words to try and explain himself.

"I mean, it's like you said, y'know, it kinda reminds you of him if you look at it for a bit and I jus' thought it'd be funny or somethin', I dunno, and like you don't gotta if you don't wanna I jus-"

"Ahh, Rhyme y'know actually I'm kinda thirsty. There was a vending machine back in there wasn't there? Can you go buy me a lemonade, please?" 

Rhyme nodded in understanding, taking the money offered to her and disappearing back into the noise of the building, leaving a very bewildered Beat alone with a stern Shiki. They stared at each other for a bit. Eventually the former broke the silence.

"What?"

"Daisukenojo Bito!" He flinched at the brazen use of his first name, and Shiki raised her index finger to point at him in a rather dramatic fashion.

"Don't-"

"You have a crush on Neku!"

"I-"

Did he?! Well... maybe. No shockers there. Or there shouldn't have been, but Beat was still processing this fact himself. He'd only come to terms with it earlier that day and he didn't really appreciate being called out on it so boldly like this. 

"Can you, like... not... please?" He looked off to the side, unable to meet Shiki's intense gaze.

"I mean, I wont if you don't really want me to. But why not? You've been into him for, like, ever or something." The way she spoke was so matter-of-fact. As if she were just talking about the weather and not Beat's inner turmoil. It didn't make him uncomfortable or anything. Just weird.

He heaved a sigh and smiled wearily. "Only today."

"What?"

"I only fell in love today."

"You and I both know that's not true." 

"It is though!"

Shiki pinched the bridge of her nose, shaking her head. It would be childish to argue over something like this and they both knew it. Beat felt as if his head was going to explode if he thought anything else coherent that day. The lack of sleep had caught up to him.

"Listen, Beat, I'm not gonna make you confess to him or anything like that. That's completely down to you. But you need to talk to him and soon. You're not as good at hiding how you feel as you think."

At that he breathed out a laugh. It was funny because he didn't think that at all. His whole life, he'd been painfully aware of how transparent he could be with his feelings. Never having a proper outlet for anything, he'd always inadvertently worn his heart on his sleeve. Now more than ever he hated it. He'd grown tired of everything and felt pathetically weak. No dreams, no grades to work off the back of and barely any friends to speak of. Neku would never be interested in someone like him if it weren't for the Reaper's Game, so he'd kept himself in denial for as long as he could. But now he felt like he could actually be losing him, and he'd gotten himself all worked up. Heat welled up behind his eyes again. He didn't bother to try and stop it this time.

-

The dreams always ended the same way, although never exactly. Every time, Beat had worked himself to exhaustion. His legs would give out under him as he accepted defeat once more. Heavy humidity served only to make whatever injuries he sustained in his fight even more excruciatingly painful. And every time, he'd see Neku laid out on the floor. Unmoving. 

Last night had been the worst in a while. The versions of Uzuki and Kariya he met were, like most of the enemies he came across there, completely ruthless. Their distorted voices became a harsh cacophony ringing out across the streets of Shibuya as they unleashed a flurry of attacks in perfect synchronicity. No matter how well he and Neku fought together, or how much Beat fought tooth and nail to save them, they never stood a chance. Ultimately, he hurt himself beyond description. It wasn't real, after all. It didn't matter how much it hurt. 

But it did matter. It really mattered. The pain felt way too real. When he had given all he had left to give, Beat fell to his knees and collapsed. He lay there on the asphalt, completely immobile. His chest ached with something indecipherable. Only one thought filled his mind as he watched the corners of his vision start to blur.

How many more times would he fail to protect the things he cared about most?

-

Getting home after sobbing in a public space wasn't as much of an ordeal as Beat thought it was going to be. Shiki had agreed to take the stuffed toy and give it to Neku at school the next day. Thankfully, she dropped the subject once she saw Beat begin to cry, her mom friend instincts kicking in. He was grateful that Rhyme didn't ask any questions either. Upon returning from her little lemonade quest, her big brother bawling into the arms of their panicked friend probably wasn't near the top of the list of things she'd expected to see. For once Beat felt better that their walk home was in near silence, broken only by his inability to stop sniffling. They adopted a slow pace, with Beat too tired to walk any faster and Rhyme too afraid that if she tried to speed up her brother would collapse before he told her to slow down. By the time they got home the sun had disappeared completely from the sky. 

Rhyme made a point to call out, "we're home,"as she pushed the front door open. Beat shoved his way past her and stomped upstairs without taking his shoes off like toddler throwing a tantrum. Not that he cared about that though. He acted that way without thinking; not thinking felt easiest in the moment. His brain was too preoccupied with other things. Turns out his head wouldn't explode if he kept thinking coherently. He'd probably have preferred if it did. 

Beat locked his bedroom door and sprawled out on his bed, trying to ignore the voices and sounds of movement coming from downstairs. He didn't feel like apologising to his parents. The day had drained him of everything he had emotionally. Laying face down in his pillow felt much more productive than anything else, since all he really wanted to do was sleep. But if he slept, he'd just end up having the same dream again and then he'd wake up even more tired. A vicious cycle of being totally spent. How had he even ended up like this, again? What a joke. 

The thoughts that he'd kept balled up for months unravelled, turning over and over in his mind like a tidal wave. Even if he wasn't scared of the things he'd see if he let himself drift off, sleeping like that wouldn't have been possible. The thoughts wouldn't switch off no matter how desperately he tried. He really, really didn't want Neku to leave him. But he also really didn't want to talk about this with anyone. That would be weak, and he was desperately clinging to anything at all that might make him feel less like that.

God knows how long he lay there, hiding his face from the world in a weird mix of shame and self-pity. It's probably where he'd have stayed all night were it not for a knock on his door and a hushed voice coming from the other side.

"Beat? Are you awake?"

Initially the best course of action (to him) was to not answer and hope that Rhyme would leave soon enough. But then she added, "Neku is here to see you," and that didn't seem like such a good idea anymore. He pulled himself up from his reflective state with reluctance and sat upright, cross-legged on the edge of his bed.

"Yeah, 'm awake. He can come in if he wants."

The door creaked open after a few beats, revealing Rhyme and a very haggard-looking Neku behind her. Beat plastered the best smile on his face that he could muster, but it must've not been very convincing given how their expressions didn't change in the slightest. Whoops.

Neku turned to Rhyme. "Can we have a sec alone?"

She nodded, shooting her brother one last concerned glance as Neku stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. He stood for a moment, arms folded, and Beat thought about how much bigger he'd gotten. It wasn't just his height. His shoulders had gotten broader too. Even if their mannerisms remained similar, the Neku is his dreams was becoming further and further away from the reality. He didn't know how to feel about that.

"You look tired as all hell," Neku said finally. As if he didn't look like he'd just ran a marathon himself.

"Could say the same for you, man. You woke me up, is all."

Neku looked unimpressed. "Do you always sleep with your shoes on?"

"You just come here to insult me, or what? Ain't it like 9pm? Why're you here?"

"It's 11:30," Neku corrected, and then strode over to the bed. "Can I sit?"

"11 in the night? Go home, dude!" Beat cried, putting his hands up to try and shove Neku away from where he sat. He didn't budge though, apparently not thinking that was an answer to his question. Beat didn't have the energy to fight back any more than that. It appeared Neku wasn't planning on leaving soon. 

He sighed and shuffled over slightly to make room. Some dirt from the sole of his shoes stained the grey sheets. Beat winced internally at the sight. Hopefully Neku wouldn't mind too much. 

"Fine. Sit down. 'N then tell me what you're here for."

Neku did as he was asked and sat on the edge of the mattress. He aptly avoided the patch of dirt. A few moments of silence stretched out with the two of them staring at the red painted walls of Beat's bedroom. Neku's expression remained the same as it had been since he walked in, but the way he remained mute felt as if he'd forgotten what he was going to say.

After a bit of sitting there awkwardly, Neku cleared his throat and began to speak. "So... Shiki came to my place earlier."

Oh no. The toy. He'd come over to ask why the hell Beat would gift him something like that out of the blue. He felt heat rising up his neck and to his cheeks. It made sense to him at the time, but it was really weird, wasn't it? Did Neku even like plushies? He wasn't the type, was he? Oh no. 

"I kinda wanted to say thanks? For the rabbit, I mean."

Oh... no? Beat had been so distracted trying to think up a suitable apology before Neku could finish speaking that he didn't really have an answer for an honest 'thank you.' He remained speechless as his mind stumbled over itself to try and process the unexpected. Neku squirmed at the silence and carried on:

"I mean, I dunno if you meant it as like a joke or whatever but I thought it was nice or whatever. I like that kind of thing. Ah, that's not the only reason why I'm here though because that would be weird. I just wanted to say that first so... thanks," he finished. He ran a hand through the mess of hair on his head. The two still refused to make eye contact, but Beat noticed he wasn't the only one with a red face. And Neku looked really cute as he tried to hide that. 

"It weren't a joke. I thought- I mean, Shiki said it looked kinda like you so I figured, y'know. Y'should have it." A pause. "But what're you really here for? 'S late."

Neku threw himself back onto the comforter with a sigh, stretching out as much as much as he possibly could and closing his eyes. Beat tried not to looked down at his face, or the way it was perfectly framed by his hair despite how long and messy that was, or the way he looked so comfortable lay there like that. He failed.

Neku opened his eyes before he spoke and Beat tried to pretend he found the ceiling interesting. "Look, she said you weren't doing great and I wanted to come over and see if I could help somehow. I don't know. I came here without thinking."

So Shiki had let it slip that he was struggling. Great! That was absolutely not what he wanted. Not only that, but he had no idea how much she had actually said. Beat did trust Shiki. Of course she'd never hurt him on purpose. She had a bad habit of not knowing when it became too much information though. He ripped the cap off of his head and ran the pads of his thumbs over it's woollen edges. 

"I'm alright, man. We cool." 

Neku pulled himself up to lean on his elbows. "You had to hold back tears earlier when I noticed your bed sheets were dirty even though I didn't say anything."

"Didn't." He did.

"And now you're doing that thing you always do when you're nervous where you play with your hat."

"'M not." He was.

"Beat."

"Yeah?"

"What's wrong?"

"I dunno, man!" With nothing else to do, Beat threw his cap across the room and buried his head in his hands, blonde hair falling untidily over the top. He hoped it would be enough to stop Neku from seeing his face. "I been havin' weird dreams and been thinkin' too much and I think you don't like me no more and it's all a mess 'cause there's somethin' else and I-"

"Hey, calm down!" 

"How am I s'posed to do that?!" The mattress shifted beneath him as Neku sat up. This was exactly what he didn't want to happen. He couldn't keep his own mouth shut, and now everything was exposed. 

"Okay, okay. Breathe. Look at me?" 

Beat did so, parting his fingers, meekly peeking out between them. Neku breathed in relief and sat back on his haunches, ramming a hand into his fringe. He looked off to the side.

"What made you think I don't like you?"

"Y'don't hang out with me no more." The answer left his mouth almost immediately but once he said it out loud it felt dumb. It wasn't the only thing bugging him, not by a long shot, but it still felt like throwing a fit over nothing. 

"You've never asked me to spend time with you."

Huh... Well that was true. But still, "I hate to be a bother."

"Oh wait, that sounded like I was blaming you. I wasn't, sorry. It's just... you're not the only one who doesn't like to annoy people. I'm still not great at this whole 'having friends' thing." He lifted his fingers to his head for emphasis. "I'm sorry about leaving today, and I'm sorry for not being in touch more. Genuinely. I didn't know it'd bother you so much. I do like you, Beat. None of my friends at school can say they'd do half of what you've done for me before."

Neku wore a serious expression but the look in his eyes betrayed him, revealing a soft and genuine side of himself that he probably wasn't ready to show yet. It made Beat dizzy. Having the hard work he put in recognised for once, and so assuredly too, felt euphoric. He wasn't completely convinced, of course. That would take time. However, his heart felt a little lighter. He was liked. That counted for something. 

"It was jus'.... I keep havin' the same dream. About you and the game and stuff like that. It's always a bad endin' no matter what I do. With you not bein' here..." he trailed off. He didn't want to admit that the thought of Neku leaving scared him. Yes, the dreams were horrible on their own. Being doomed to repeat the same thing over and over with barely a break took a toll on him mentally. It's just they hit too close to home when he felt lonely on top of that.

"We all have our fair share of nightmares. It's a normal thing to happen when you've been through something like we have."

"I know that!"

"I'm just saying you're really not alone on this, man. And you can talk to me at any time about anything. It might be easier to deal with if it's out of your head." 

Beat took a moment to process everything that had been said. "So... you're not gonna leave me," he said, more like a statement than a question. Neku nodded patiently. Correct. 

"...And you like me."

"Yep."

"Okay. Cool. I like you too. A lil' too much maybe." He'd originally intended for that to be a joke, to lighten the mood maybe, but it came out more serious than he'd hoped. Oh no. 

"Wait. What?"

"Ah! I mean! N-Not like in that kinda way!" Without a beanie on his head to channel nervous energy into, Beat had no choice but to wave his arms wildly in front of his face. Acknowledging his feelings already felt like the worst decision he'd ever made in his life. It had been going so well! And now he'd screwed it up! And for what?! 

Neku sat motionless, a stark contrast to Beat's lack of composure, looking nonchalant as ever were it not for the returning red-tinge to his cheeks. "I wouldn't mind if it was that way," he muttered, almost inaudible beneath Beat's panicked stuttering. He didn't go unheard though.

"I mean, I dunno if it is that way! I ain't felt that way about anyone before! But uh..." He slowed his flailing. His voice dropped to below a whisper. "...Maybe?"

The room fell silent. Still. If a pin dropped it would have rung out, loud and clear. 

"Uh..." Neku coughed awkwardly, reaching up to grab at the stray hairs that had fallen into his eyes. "Do you maybe wanna try that whole record store thing again? With me?"

"What, like, as a... as a d-"

"Yeah, as a date."

What timeline had he fallen into? Of all things that could've happened that night, this was not the thing Beat had expected. His brain was still playing catch-up; he couldn't form any words, and so just nodded dumbly with an air of pure bewilderment.

A date... What did that even entail? He didn't know. Neku probably didn't know either. What if they accidentally didn't have a date? What then? Surely that wouldn't be good. 

"Phones... D'you know what you're s'posed to do on a date? 'Cause I sure as hell don't."

Neku contemplated for a second, humming as he did so, and then stared blankly at nothing. "Oh. No I don't, actually. It's okay though. We can practice right now."

Beat failed to see what he was trying to get at. "It's 11 at night."

"Dumbass. You have a DVD player in your room, right? Let's watch a movie."

"It's still late."

In an attempt to hide that he'd flushed an even deeper shade of red, Neku rose to his feet and made his way over to a small shelf in the corner of the room, filled with DVDs Beat had been given as gifts and never watched. "I'm staying over. Sleepover date. Now, do you wanna watch a scary movie or are you gonna be a damn coward?"

No amount of trying to hide in his clothes would hide the way his voice cracked on the word 'date' and Beat smiled just a little bit at that. He wasn't alone in how he felt. That was reassuring.

"We'll see who's a coward. Lights out, scariest thing you can find. Le's get it."

-

As it turned out, both boys were cowards. Not in the same ways though. While Neku jerked back with every predictable jumpscare and squirmed at the sight of dreadful CGI gore, Beat hadn't exactly been paying attention to the movie at all. The pair sat side-by-side on the bed, leaning back against the wall. Close but not touching. And Beat's mind would. Not. Shut up.

He wanted something. He'd seen his parents do it before and had recoiled in disgust then, but now he understood the need. And Neku was so close. Surely if this was a date they could do it. Just for a little bit. Or a long bit. All he had to do was ask. What could he lose by asking one simple question? His pride? Dignity? No, that went out of the window a long time ago. Okay. He could do it. 

"Hey Neku."

Said boy let out a shriek and jolted backwards, smacking his head off of the wall. 

"Whoa! You alright?"

Neku groaned in a dramatic manner and covered the spot he'd hit with his hands. He seemed rather pale. "Yeah I'm fine. Just... fell."

"Oh... Okay then." Beat's heart hammered in his chest. It was now or never. "Anyways, d'you think we could... if you wanna that is... uh. Hold hands?"

Neku scoffed," what? You scared?" His voice quivered as he spoke and Beat bit back the urge to laugh.

"This is a date. Ya hold hands on dates."

"Oh, right. Yeah. Okay then."

And so, Beat laid his left hand atop Neku's slightly smaller right. Their fingers intertwined. A warm feeling burst in Beat's chest, filling him with a sense of pure bliss. This was right. He'd wanted this for so long. And, sure, maybe it wouldn't solve all his problems. Stuff like that wouldn't just go away because he'd found something to be happy about. But it was a step in the right direction. 

Even if nothing changed for a while. Even if the nightmares continued to plague his sleep. It'd be okay, he thought, as long as he could wake up knowing Neku was by his side.

**Author's Note:**

> yo if you liked add me @CherriKai and CherriBoi#9332  
> pls talk to me about twewy this was all just an elaborate plan to make friends


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